Things I'll never say

I’ve only cried this hard one other time in my life. It weird though because this time I am causing it.

I think I’ve just accepted the fact that not only am I going to lose everything I have when I got away to college, but also everything I am, who I am. I have three months home and I already can’t recognize the person I am, I’ve given up. I’m pushing everybody away and literally haven’t felt this shitty in years. I don’t feel anything towards anyone, almost as if I’m detaching myself from my world at home. I can lie and feel no guilt and my emotions are always at the ready. I constantly feel choked up and even when I’m happy it only comes and goes. I can’t even stand to be around my friends, I convince myself that there is no point.